Karma Chameleon

Karma. We don’t always think about it’s true implications. In the Buddhist philosophy, karma is the idea that good deeds done during the present lifetime will manifest into good fortune for the next. It is the great motivator, but is it genuine? is doing a good deed only in the hope that it will better your own life somewhere down the road really,by fundamental definition, a good deed? and does karma in actuality even exist? Maybe we are all better off never grudgingly doing anything nice for anybody, because truthfully, phoniness is even more gag-inducing that blatant apathy. We have all had our various encounters with karma, (or the lack thereof). Mine, for example, happened a few weeks ago.

I had gotten off the train and was on my way to chorus rehearsal which started at 4:30. The time was exactly 4:30, and I was exactly 10 minutes away. I walked down Madison Avenue, which was empty except for one woman, older but not quite elderly, standing in the middle of the street with a cane. She was looking right at me. I quickened my pace, and as I approached her, I repeated the mantra of every New Yorker in my head: “please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me…” but, lo and behold, she spoke.

Her: “Hi there”
Me: “hi”
Her: ” I just had a CAT scan and surgery and I am partially blind. Can you help me find the subway?”
Me: “umm…sure?”

Could I really have said no? I really wanted to, but I didn’t. We walked all the way back to the train station, making small talk about her cats and various surgeries. The whole time she kept saying how she really hoped I didn’t have somewhere to be that she was keeping me from. I reassured her many times that I really,no really, had nothing to do. We finally got to the subway, and we went inside.

“I need to borrow your metro card” she says.
“Sure.” I dig my metro card out of my bag and hand it to her. She swipes it. There are no fares left.
I start to panic. My perfect act of selflessness is being spoiled by a less than perfect ending. I start talking and I don’t stop. I tell her how I’m so sorry, I thought there were more fares on it then there actually were and how she should talk to the guy in the station booth and ask him to let her in. I go up to a group of German tourists and ask if one of them can swipe her in, but they don’t understand and run away from me. I turn to her, defeated.
“I’m so sorry” I say, “there’s nothing I can do.”
She looks at me with her partially blind eyes and gives me a glare so cold, my future grandchildren shivered.
“You can go now.” she says, then walks away.

I was very confused. The entire twenty minutes of good deed was destroyed, worse then if I had just said no in the first place. And why was I apologizing so much? Was it my fault I didn’t plan on having to escort a freshly operated-upon, cane-wielding middle aged woman with a fondness for cats? And what was my Karmic reward? The looks of pity I received from nearby German tourists?

Karma can never be proven. Giving the homeless guy on the corner five bucks isn’t going to stop you from walking in front of that bus one second too soon. What happens to us is in our lives is based primarily on our decisions and talents, and where you happen to be located on the statistical bell curve of luck. Genuine kindness,however, will only improve our lives, even if we aren’t rewarded directly . Sometimes you’ll mess it all up and get ditched in a crowded subway station. At least have a good story.

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